Tik Tok – Woolies Shopping
I was writing a birthday song for Tina and ended up with this. Appropriate for most of the mums from school who love up here on the mountain range.
To the tune of Tik Tik by Ke$ha
Hold the shift key, click the link and the music will start in a seperate window.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-uFcw3e0fU
Wake up in the morning, tired and a bit shitty
Grab my sunnies, purse and green bags - I’m gonna hit Nambour city
Before I leave, grab my keys, I put my hair in a bunch
No time for breakfast, I’ll drive through Maccas for brunch.
I’m talking - Can’t find any clean clothes, clothes
Wiping the children’s nose, nose
now where did I put my phone, phone
Drop off the kids, park at Woolies
Trying to get a trolly
Hope that it’s not wonkey, ey, ey
Don’t shop, make me stop
I’m feeling all up tight
I need to get the groceries
And then I’ll be alright
Tick tock, on the clock
The checkouts are busy
Woah-oh oh oh
Don’t shop, make me stop
My trolley getting full
Grab a woman’s weekly
And neck down a red bull
Tick tock, on the clock
Got to leave by half past two
Woah –oh oh oh
Left the shopping list at home
And the bags in the car
I’ve been here an hour
And not got very far
Still in the veggie aisle
Looking for what’s in season
Don’t really know why, but I’m sure there is a reason
Just stocking up on meat, meat
And stuff the kids won’t eat, eat
Should stop dragging my feet, feet
So I head of to the deli, deli
Where the cheese is really smelly, smelly
Then go buy some jelly, jelly
And maybe some paparadelle
Don’t shop, make me stop
I’m need to buy bog roll
And some new batteries
For the tv remote control
Tick tock, on the clock
The checkouts are busy
Woah-oh oh oh
Don’t shop, make me stop
Ooh! 5 dollars for Nutrigrain!
2 for 1 on cake mix
Grab a pre-pack quiche lorraine
Tick tock, on the clock
Got to leave by half past two
Woah –oh oh oh
Just grab some milk
A hot cooked chook
I need some more toothpaste
Some nice fresh fish
Look! Samples on a tray
I may just have a taste
Stock up shampoo
Lasagne sheets
The dips are going cheap
With knockdown prices
On every aisle
I know I’ll buy a heap
Now I really need to go and line up in a queue
Don’t shop, make me stop
Shit I forgot the cotton wool
But unless I get back up the hill
The school car park will be full
Tick tock, on the clock
This line is really slow
Woah-oh oh oh
Don’t shop, make me stop
300 bucks for this?
I can put some stuff back,
I am sure the kids won’t miss
Tick tock, on the clock
It’s now nearly 20 to three…..
Woah –oh oh oh
Friday, 3 June 2011
Tina's 40th - 'Tinamite'
Tina's 40th
I organised a surprise lunch for my wonderful friend Tina and sang her this song to celebrate her 40th birthday. She is a passionate astrologer, hence the stars and star sign reference. As a present from her sister Kim, she was treated to a posh haircut in Brisbane and the party was the first time we had seen the new shorter style which really suited her. She also had a new 'body' after working with a personal trainer.
I started writing another song, which turned in to a song about shopping at Woolworths and not a birthday song! I was really worried for a few days as I wanted to come up with something more personal.
I was driving in the car with my daughter and this song came on the radio. We were singing along and I realised Dynamite could be come 'Tinamite' and then it flowed!
A lovely lunch, lovely company and now a lovely memory.
This is to the Tune of Dynamite by Taio Cruz
If you don't know the song, hold the shift key, click on the link and the tune will open in another window.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6CfTn22HDI
Tina’s our friend, friend, friend, friend
Today with her we want to spend spend spend
Not drive her round the bend bend bend bend
Love on her 40th We all send send send send
Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone
Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
So go Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
Transmitting Uranus
You’re our Tinamite!
We came to meet meet meet meet
Drink sparkling wine and then eat eat eat
A day off from kids what a treat treat treat
Great friends you cannot beat beat beat
Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone
Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
you light up the room
You’re our Tinamite!
So enjoy a wi-ine
Karen will be the last one standing,
And enjoy the fooo-ood
Don’t worry about expanding
You’re looking fab
Yeah, you’re looking fab
You earned it all, you earned it all
We’re gonna put our hands in the air
And compliment you hair
…compliment your hair
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
The stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
Cos we’ve told you once
Now we told you twice
Cheers to the next 40 years
For our Tinamite!
A lovely lunch, lovely company and now a lovely memory.
This is to the Tune of Dynamite by Taio Cruz
If you don't know the song, hold the shift key, click on the link and the tune will open in another window.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6CfTn22HDI
Tina’s our friend, friend, friend, friend
Today with her we want to spend spend spend
Not drive her round the bend bend bend bend
Love on her 40th We all send send send send
Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone
Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
So go Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
Transmitting Uranus
You’re our Tinamite!
We came to meet meet meet meet
Drink sparkling wine and then eat eat eat
A day off from kids what a treat treat treat
Great friends you cannot beat beat beat
Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone
Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
you light up the room
You’re our Tinamite!
So enjoy a wi-ine
Karen will be the last one standing,
And enjoy the fooo-ood
Don’t worry about expanding
You’re looking fab
Yeah, you’re looking fab
You earned it all, you earned it all
We’re gonna put our hands in the air
And compliment you hair
…compliment your hair
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty
Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
The stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
Cos we’ve told you once
Now we told you twice
Cheers to the next 40 years
For our Tinamite!
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
A-N-D-Y to the tune of YMCA
2nd song for Andrew's 40th, sung at his Indiana Jones themed party after I had done him the song 'The Big Four-Oh' Of course the whole party joined in with the chorus and swung their arms about trying to make the A,N, D & Y! He does like his drink and was rather sick after his wife's 40th which I had sung at the year before, hence the 'rush to the loo' line. * East Bergholt is the village they live in and honestly, his brother is a professional clown!
Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said young man, you are talk of the town
I said young man, 'cause you’re forty today!
wi-th cock-tails and a buf-fet
Young man, we are all here for yo-oo-oo
Joining, the East Bergholt crew-ew-ew
And we-ee, are gonna show you
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Young man, are you listening to me?
I said pour him, a large G and Tee-ee-ee
Followed, by a few pints of beer
And then come right ov-er here
Watch out, he’s a little frisky
So give him, a glass of whiskey
And then we can all boogie down
(Did you know his bro’s a clown?)
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Try some, of Michelle’s super punch
Foods out, lets all have a munch
Make sure, the camcorder’s here
And then pass that man a beer…
Now Andy, he is just full of charm
A cocktail can’t do any harm
Finish with a swift shot or two
Then a quick dash to the loo
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said young man, you are talk of the town
I said young man, 'cause you’re forty today!
wi-th cock-tails and a buf-fet
Young man, we are all here for yo-oo-oo
Joining, the East Bergholt crew-ew-ew
And we-ee, are gonna show you
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Young man, are you listening to me?
I said pour him, a large G and Tee-ee-ee
Followed, by a few pints of beer
And then come right ov-er here
Watch out, he’s a little frisky
So give him, a glass of whiskey
And then we can all boogie down
(Did you know his bro’s a clown?)
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Try some, of Michelle’s super punch
Foods out, lets all have a munch
Make sure, the camcorder’s here
And then pass that man a beer…
Now Andy, he is just full of charm
A cocktail can’t do any harm
Finish with a swift shot or two
Then a quick dash to the loo
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal
Madeleine's 11th birthday
For my daughter Maddy's 11th birthday I got her tickets to see the West End Musical Mamma Mia. She loved the film, loved the music, so it was a great idea to take her to the show. I went with her down on the train after school. This was her birthday poem
Would you like a CD or paperback book
A DVD, t-shirt or something to cook
An audio book would have been nice
Or a Chinese takeaway with lots of fried rice
A pink accessory to go with your room
Or some flowery nice smelling girlie perfume
A soft pink pillow to go on your bed
Or an outdoor toy to be stored in the shed
No, Nana and Grandad gave me some money, money, moneySo you could eat something like Honey, Honey
The last few weeks, the weather’s been a bummer
But we’ve had lots of fun during our last summer
We will go out for a meal and have a huge ice-cream
I expect we will enjoy ourselves as I have a dream
Remember to flush when you go to the loo
They do, so do I, I do, I do, I do
So now you are 11, let’s go and have a ball
As the birthday girl’s a winner and should ‘take it all!’
Alex 40
To the tune of All Summer Long by Kid Rock
He is left handed!
It was 1969, my hair was blonde my legs were long
I was born in South Africa in a shed
I then left for England on a boat with mum and dad
And I ended up somewhere in Dorset.
Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh
Growing up in Camphill
My life was pretty brill
Apart from lentils and a loathing for goats cheese
We had no tv, no internet
But man I never will forget
When I had to eat undercooked chick peas
While I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Sharpening my pencils made my left arm very strong
My trousers I did outgrow,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be an architect all my life long.
I want to be an architect all my life long.
After a year in Africa stalling
An Architects course was calling
A later a job in London after my degree
I met my wife called Ali
And we got very pally
I wooed her by learning how to ski!
I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Holding my ski poles made my left arm very strong
I proposed to her in Como,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be with Ali all my life long.
I want to be with Ali all my life long.
A ready made family I had
I got married and became a dad
Everything that life threw at me I caught
Then I began to wonder
If we could move down under
And we were here without a second thought
I started to work for Hassell
We found our Mapleton castle
We love the fact the kids can walk to school
We’ve made some friends we think
Who also enjoy a drink
And even gone skinny dipping in the pool!
I’m now sketching different things
And pulling different strings
Holding my mouse tight makes my left arm very strong
Commuting on the train,
all the way to Brisbane
I think I’ll be there all my life long
So now that I am 40
And my wife’s a little shorty
I’m enjoying this life and my left arms still so strong
Although we’ve had some sorrow,
I am not thinking about tomorrow
Other than I want to be in Aus all my life long.
Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long
He is left handed!
It was 1969, my hair was blonde my legs were long
I was born in South Africa in a shed
I then left for England on a boat with mum and dad
And I ended up somewhere in Dorset.
Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh
Growing up in Camphill
My life was pretty brill
Apart from lentils and a loathing for goats cheese
We had no tv, no internet
But man I never will forget
When I had to eat undercooked chick peas
While I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Sharpening my pencils made my left arm very strong
My trousers I did outgrow,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be an architect all my life long.
I want to be an architect all my life long.
After a year in Africa stalling
An Architects course was calling
A later a job in London after my degree
I met my wife called Ali
And we got very pally
I wooed her by learning how to ski!
I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Holding my ski poles made my left arm very strong
I proposed to her in Como,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be with Ali all my life long.
I want to be with Ali all my life long.
A ready made family I had
I got married and became a dad
Everything that life threw at me I caught
Then I began to wonder
If we could move down under
And we were here without a second thought
I started to work for Hassell
We found our Mapleton castle
We love the fact the kids can walk to school
We’ve made some friends we think
Who also enjoy a drink
And even gone skinny dipping in the pool!
I’m now sketching different things
And pulling different strings
Holding my mouse tight makes my left arm very strong
Commuting on the train,
all the way to Brisbane
I think I’ll be there all my life long
So now that I am 40
And my wife’s a little shorty
I’m enjoying this life and my left arms still so strong
Although we’ve had some sorrow,
I am not thinking about tomorrow
Other than I want to be in Aus all my life long.
Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long
Alex's Christmas Present 2006
This was the poem Alex opened on Christmas morning. I had got him tickets to see the Show of The Snowman by Raymond Briggs which is on in the West End most years. It is a ballet, but not too ballet-ish, if that makes sense, and the kids are all in awe at the snowman and the little boy when they fly. We had a lovely day out including lunch and the matinee performance, before coming home.
The Christmas Present
I thought and thought then thought some more
I searched the web and paced the floor
Something to wear, a new tool to hold
Something warm to keep out the cold
Gloves and scarves and boring old hats
A calendar with pictures of really cute cats
Some pants without holes and some new socks
Hidden in an extremely large box
A book, or two, or three or four
Do you really want any more?
Paperbacks for each day on the train
Or an enormous book about architecture again
DVD’s often go down real well
(We’ve lots that we really should sell)
Action, thriller, comedy to keep
Watch for an hour, then fall asleep
A CD of Travis or Keane or Embrace
Another selection to lose or misplace
Now 99, or Pop Party Ten
To sing to in the car again and again
An additional tool to store in the shed
Or in your wardrobe above your head
A saw or compact screwdriver set
Homebase will have something you don’t have yet
A gadget or gizmo, a new mobile phone
With mp3’s mexapixels and annoying ring tone
More earphones to break and chargers to use
Waiting in Vodaphone, joining the queues
T-shirts; black or white or nice light blue
A three pack from Marks’s will normally do
Some PJ bottoms that are not too short
All of these things, I could have bought
But I decided to do something nice for us
It will mean a ride on the train and perhaps on a bus
The 9.03 Colchester Londonbound train
You’ll can use your rail season ticket again!
So on Saturday the 30th we’re out for the day
Which includes entertainment, food, fun and play
It will bring tears to your eyes, tears of joy
(I’ll bring some tissues, because you’re a boy!)
This present is for Sophia and You
(but I thought I might tag along too!)
So enjoy my little special plan
Merry Christmas to my wonderful man!
The Christmas Present
I thought and thought then thought some more
I searched the web and paced the floor
Something to wear, a new tool to hold
Something warm to keep out the cold
Gloves and scarves and boring old hats
A calendar with pictures of really cute cats
Some pants without holes and some new socks
Hidden in an extremely large box
A book, or two, or three or four
Do you really want any more?
Paperbacks for each day on the train
Or an enormous book about architecture again
DVD’s often go down real well
(We’ve lots that we really should sell)
Action, thriller, comedy to keep
Watch for an hour, then fall asleep
A CD of Travis or Keane or Embrace
Another selection to lose or misplace
Now 99, or Pop Party Ten
To sing to in the car again and again
An additional tool to store in the shed
Or in your wardrobe above your head
A saw or compact screwdriver set
Homebase will have something you don’t have yet
A gadget or gizmo, a new mobile phone
With mp3’s mexapixels and annoying ring tone
More earphones to break and chargers to use
Waiting in Vodaphone, joining the queues
T-shirts; black or white or nice light blue
A three pack from Marks’s will normally do
Some PJ bottoms that are not too short
All of these things, I could have bought
But I decided to do something nice for us
It will mean a ride on the train and perhaps on a bus
The 9.03 Colchester Londonbound train
You’ll can use your rail season ticket again!
So on Saturday the 30th we’re out for the day
Which includes entertainment, food, fun and play
It will bring tears to your eyes, tears of joy
(I’ll bring some tissues, because you’re a boy!)
This present is for Sophia and You
(but I thought I might tag along too!)
So enjoy my little special plan
Merry Christmas to my wonderful man!
Jame's Baptism
A more serious poem written for my friend Lynn and Steve's son James's baptism. I am not religious so found this a challenge to do, but was very pleased with the result. I framed it and one for his brother and the last time I was at their house, they are still proudly displayed on the window sill.
Feel the love surround you
Today and every day
Love from you dear family
Which God has sent your way
Your family is a circle
Of enormous strength and love
And includes the care from Jesus
And his father up above
God created boys
Full of sprit, strength and fun
To explore the world, learn from it
And share with everyone
Remember your faith and you will
Touch the people you know
Continuing your journey through life
Learning as you grow
God is always at your side
And think of him when you pray
May all the love of Heaven
Enrich this Baptism Day
Feel the love surround you
Today and every day
Love from you dear family
Which God has sent your way
Your family is a circle
Of enormous strength and love
And includes the care from Jesus
And his father up above
God created boys
Full of sprit, strength and fun
To explore the world, learn from it
And share with everyone
Remember your faith and you will
Touch the people you know
Continuing your journey through life
Learning as you grow
God is always at your side
And think of him when you pray
May all the love of Heaven
Enrich this Baptism Day
Christmas Pressie for Grandma and Grandpa
Written to go in a card for my dad and step mum Christmas 2007.
Ho, Ho Ho! It’s that time again
When we prepare our lists
Thinking up things we need
So Santa we can assist
Electronic games and vouchers
CD’s, Books and soft toys
Annuals, chocolates, jewellery
Not forgetting, socks for the boys
So this year we decided to be different
We know you have lots of stuff
So we just got you a little something
And we hope that it’s enough
But we wanted to do something good
And decided to help a few kids
So bought some bits from UNICEF
This is what we did
Because we like writing and drawing
We thought it would be really cool
To buy one thousand pencils
That’s enough for a whole school!
We also like being active
So as a wonderful surprise
We bought 30 skipping ropes
For fun, play and exercise
So together we hope this Christmas
In Africa and other places
We have put some unexpected smiles
Onto some additional children’s faces
Merry Christmas!!
Helen's 40th - Where it all started
Helen, my great friend from Ardleigh near Colchester, UK, turned 40 and I couldn't think what to get her, so I sang her this song. Adopted as a baby she found her birth parents in her 30's and sadly her marriage ended leaving her with 4 young boys.
When I met her, the youngest was 5 and the oldest was just off to secondary school. I have always been amazed at her ability to raise the boys to each be polite and independent individuals who look out for one another. She has a fabulous relationship with her real mum and dad, their families, friends and various dogs!
One of her sons was in a band who played at her 40th. So I grabbed the mike, put on a backing track of You're Beautiful by James Blunt and sang this version to her. There was hardly a dry eye in the house and everyone was joining in with the chorus in the end.
Your Life is Brilliant
Your life is brilliant.
Your love is pure.
You are an angel.
Of that we’re sure.
You’re family all love you dearly
That’s why they all are here
And you are surrounded by your great friends
Who wanted to be near
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
The smile on your face in this beautiful place
Your loving warmth bursts right through
and we will always be with you.
Helen catches your eye
As she walks on by
Dressed in all pinks
& blue like the sky
We don’t want tonight to ever end
But we’re sharing a moment with this fantastic friend
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
The smile on your face, in this beautiful place
Your loving warmth bursts right through
and we will always be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There’s definitely and angel, with a smile on her face,
As we’re all honoured to know you
So it’s time to face the truth
Happy 40th Birthday to you!
When I met her, the youngest was 5 and the oldest was just off to secondary school. I have always been amazed at her ability to raise the boys to each be polite and independent individuals who look out for one another. She has a fabulous relationship with her real mum and dad, their families, friends and various dogs!
One of her sons was in a band who played at her 40th. So I grabbed the mike, put on a backing track of You're Beautiful by James Blunt and sang this version to her. There was hardly a dry eye in the house and everyone was joining in with the chorus in the end.
Your Life is Brilliant
Your life is brilliant.
Your love is pure.
You are an angel.
Of that we’re sure.
You’re family all love you dearly
That’s why they all are here
And you are surrounded by your great friends
Who wanted to be near
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
The smile on your face in this beautiful place
Your loving warmth bursts right through
and we will always be with you.
Helen catches your eye
As she walks on by
Dressed in all pinks
& blue like the sky
We don’t want tonight to ever end
But we’re sharing a moment with this fantastic friend
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
The smile on your face, in this beautiful place
Your loving warmth bursts right through
and we will always be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There’s definitely and angel, with a smile on her face,
As we’re all honoured to know you
So it’s time to face the truth
Happy 40th Birthday to you!
Birth Announcement - Sophia
On our birth announcement cards when Sophia arrived on 16.02.03
On the sixteenth of Feb, at just ten past one
Out shot Miss Hoffmann, our bundle of fun
Her eyes are dark blue with hair like her dads
A sweet little sister for Harvey and Mads
Perfect, but small, two point two five k-g
(That’s five pounds ten ounces to you and to me)
Named after great grandma and a god mother
Sophia Eva, adored by her sister and brother
Proud parents are we but over and above
We wish our daughter a life full of love.
On the sixteenth of Feb, at just ten past one
Out shot Miss Hoffmann, our bundle of fun
Her eyes are dark blue with hair like her dads
A sweet little sister for Harvey and Mads
Perfect, but small, two point two five k-g
(That’s five pounds ten ounces to you and to me)
Named after great grandma and a god mother
Sophia Eva, adored by her sister and brother
Proud parents are we but over and above
We wish our daughter a life full of love.
Michelle's 40th - To the tune of Grace Kelly by Mika
This song I sang at my good friend Michelle's 40th. It was a Pirates of the Caribbean dress up party which was fantastic. Michelle is a bit of a cook and the spread that evening was superb. She also makes the most wonderful organic wedding and occasion cakes. I had unexpected visitors that day and I excused myself for half an hour, sat at the computer and this just flowed. It went down so well. I am pleased both Michelle and her husbands songs (the big Four-Oh) were crowd pleasers as I performed them in front of heaps of family and friends who had known her a lot longer than I had. People were coming up to me saying how spot on I had got it. It is also a very difficult song to sing as it is quite fast, goes really high, so the top notes were a bit squeaky!
For Michelle’s 40th Sing to the tune of Grace Kelly by Mika
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my pinny on?
My name’s Michelle?
And I excel.
It’s cooking I like
I can make cup cakes
I can cook blue steaks
I’m not at all shy
Have a taste
Have a little bit,
Why don’t you give it a try
I try to be like Nigella
Her cakes are not bad
I tried a little Delia
But she drove me mad!
I can cook fish
I can cook bread
I can cook pasta bake
I can do pies I can do fries
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
What can I cook now
What can I cook now,
What can I cook for tonight
I’ve can do hearty
I’m having a party
My food will excite
Lots of pirates
And some wenches
Are coming round here
To have a sing song
And a boogie
We’ll have lots of cheer
I try to be like Nigella
Her cakes are not bad
I tried a little Delia
But she drove me mad!
I can cook scones
I can cook rice
I can cook sausage rolls
I can do peas
I can do cheese
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
Eat what you like to satisfy yourself
I love to cook for everyone here
and there’s more….and there’s more
I can cook leeks
I can cook beef
I can cook fairy cakes
I can do lamb
I can do ham
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
I can cook quiche
I can cook quail
I can cook coq au vin
I can do roast
I can do toast
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
For Michelle’s 40th Sing to the tune of Grace Kelly by Mika
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my pinny on?
My name’s Michelle?
And I excel.
It’s cooking I like
I can make cup cakes
I can cook blue steaks
I’m not at all shy
Have a taste
Have a little bit,
Why don’t you give it a try
I try to be like Nigella
Her cakes are not bad
I tried a little Delia
But she drove me mad!
I can cook fish
I can cook bread
I can cook pasta bake
I can do pies I can do fries
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
What can I cook now
What can I cook now,
What can I cook for tonight
I’ve can do hearty
I’m having a party
My food will excite
Lots of pirates
And some wenches
Are coming round here
To have a sing song
And a boogie
We’ll have lots of cheer
I try to be like Nigella
Her cakes are not bad
I tried a little Delia
But she drove me mad!
I can cook scones
I can cook rice
I can cook sausage rolls
I can do peas
I can do cheese
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
Eat what you like to satisfy yourself
I love to cook for everyone here
and there’s more….and there’s more
I can cook leeks
I can cook beef
I can cook fairy cakes
I can do lamb
I can do ham
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
I can cook quiche
I can cook quail
I can cook coq au vin
I can do roast
I can do toast
I could do anything you like
Gotta eat greens
Sometimes eat beans
Gotta eat everything and more
My husband reckons
That you’ll have seconds
And not fit through the door
The Travellers Return
OK. This is a weird one...
My mother in law had a little box which contained a family of little wooden dolls which happened to be dwarves. Designed in Germany, this little dolls are made by Waldorf toys and used in Steiner education.
Our daughter, Sophia, age 2 I think, loved to play with them and Granny said she could borrow them when we went on holiday to Turkey as they were small and she could play with them on the plane.
Unfortunately we left them on a boat when we went out for a day with a couple of other families and although we went back on the last morning to see if we could get them back, the boat had already left for it's trip that day.
A couple of months later, I called the shop where I guessed that my mother in law had purchased them and bought a replacement for her. I wrote this poem, emailed to the chap in the shop and he delivered the box and poem to her and left them on her doorstep.
I didn't think the word 'dwarf' was considered terribly PC any more, but is apparantly originally from Germanic Mythology.
The Travellers Return
You may find us familiar
A family of small stature
But we were taken by what we think
Was a small-blond-girl-dwarf-catcher
We went on an aeroplane
High up in the sky
Then landed in a kingdom of
Magic carpets and cheese pie
We travelled in cars and buses
Then we found ourselves afloat
With several other families
On a lovely Turkish boat
We were allowed to play for a while
In a cabin down below
But when the catcher was distracted
We jumped ship and she didn’t know
We partied with some other dwarfs
For a couple of months in the sun
So we are tanned, relaxed and overweight
But we had a lot of fun
After many adventures, we decided
To board the next plane home
We nearly lost our baskets
And I got mistaken for a gnome!
But we thought we’d come back for your birthday
Feel free to have a play
We’ll tell you tales of our travels
And then you can put us away
But just beware of your grand-daughter
The small-blonde-girl-dwarf-catcher
And from now on, please to refer to us
As ‘The family of Small Stature’
Montessori
Oaklea is the lovely Montessori pre-school my daughter went to. When she started school, I wanted to say thank you to Caroline who ran the nursery from a classroom at the back of her house. My daughter Sophia loved going and we made friends for life, Graham & Mandy and Michelle & Andrew (who I wrote songs for see The Big Four - Oh and Grace Kelly)
Oaklea
Caroline’s House is where I like to learn and play
It’s really called Oaklea and it’s truly a nice place to stay
We hang up our coats and bags and put our names upon the door
We settle ourselves on a cushion and sit nicely on the floor
Listening to wonderful stories and singing lots of songs
The teachers are all just lovely and everyone belongs
By the door upside-down, wellies dry upon the rack
And we all sit at the table when it’s time to have a snack
We are taught the alphabet and learn to write our names
We are able to play with lots of different and fun games
With jugs and interesting equipment, we spoon, scoop and pour
And there is plenty of paper and pencils, when we want to draw
Colours, shapes and animals we like to look at all these
We settle into the welcoming room and soon we feel at ease
We learn about our homes, the world and continents no less
And when we paint our favourite things, we sometimes make a mess!
We can set the table, pour our drinks and have lunch with all our friends
We say good bye at lunchtime to those whose session ends
Number rods, adding up beads and counting spindles into a box
Listening to cylinders and building carefully with coloured blocks
There are so many activities to do and we are all allowed to choose
We are confident with brushes and brooms and have learnt to polish our shoes
We like to build words with pictures, letters and tiny toys
Objects, animals, we sound out the word and imitate its noise
We plant seeds in pots, water them and then watch them in time grow
And once we made a snowman when the garden was covered in snow
We have some furry friends, who live outside in their hutch
Buffer the Bunny, Guinea & Trixie and they are all so soft to touch.
Each day we play in the garden with the car and on the bike
It’s a lovely space outside and no two days there are alike
Jump on the trampoline, walk on the logs or run round and hide
Then when we’re tired, with our friends, we all head back inside.
You have taught us to be special and learn everyone is special too
But at Oaklea the best people, are definitely all of you
So thank you Caroline and everyone else at Oaklea
For sharing your home, your time and love and helping me to become me!
Sophia & Ali Hoffmann
12th December 2007
Oaklea
Caroline’s House is where I like to learn and play
It’s really called Oaklea and it’s truly a nice place to stay
We hang up our coats and bags and put our names upon the door
We settle ourselves on a cushion and sit nicely on the floor
Listening to wonderful stories and singing lots of songs
The teachers are all just lovely and everyone belongs
By the door upside-down, wellies dry upon the rack
And we all sit at the table when it’s time to have a snack
We are taught the alphabet and learn to write our names
We are able to play with lots of different and fun games
With jugs and interesting equipment, we spoon, scoop and pour
And there is plenty of paper and pencils, when we want to draw
Colours, shapes and animals we like to look at all these
We settle into the welcoming room and soon we feel at ease
We learn about our homes, the world and continents no less
And when we paint our favourite things, we sometimes make a mess!
We can set the table, pour our drinks and have lunch with all our friends
We say good bye at lunchtime to those whose session ends
Number rods, adding up beads and counting spindles into a box
Listening to cylinders and building carefully with coloured blocks
There are so many activities to do and we are all allowed to choose
We are confident with brushes and brooms and have learnt to polish our shoes
We like to build words with pictures, letters and tiny toys
Objects, animals, we sound out the word and imitate its noise
We plant seeds in pots, water them and then watch them in time grow
And once we made a snowman when the garden was covered in snow
We have some furry friends, who live outside in their hutch
Buffer the Bunny, Guinea & Trixie and they are all so soft to touch.
Each day we play in the garden with the car and on the bike
It’s a lovely space outside and no two days there are alike
Jump on the trampoline, walk on the logs or run round and hide
Then when we’re tired, with our friends, we all head back inside.
You have taught us to be special and learn everyone is special too
But at Oaklea the best people, are definitely all of you
So thank you Caroline and everyone else at Oaklea
For sharing your home, your time and love and helping me to become me!
Sophia & Ali Hoffmann
12th December 2007
My Swivel Sweeper
Advertised on daytime tv on those 'infomercials', this handy gadget is demonstrated by an over enthusiastic man smashing lightbulbs and sweeping them up with his swivel sweeper, a battery powered portable vacuum-cum-brush thing, which reminds me of the old carpet sweeper my mum used to have in the 70's.
Ignored by many, these ads offer you not just one for $99+$19.99 postage, but for just covering the cost of the extra postage, you get to buy one and get one free! But who buys this stuff demonstrated by DanOZ Direct I hear you ask? Well I did!!
Recommended by my good friend Sherell as a time (and a back) saver, she keeps it in her pantry and sweeps up after her kids and as I find cleaning a chore (who doesn't?) she suggested I get one. I didn't need two, so found a single item on ebay, for a third of the price and I LOVE IT!!!
Light enough for my 8 year old to use and handy that you don't need to keep plugging in and unplugging the vacuum cleaner, I am hoping it will mean my kitchen floor, entrance hall and bthrooms are all easily cleaned, as are the kids bedrooms. Here is my poem to her to say thank you for suggesting it.
Thank you for telling me for sure
A tip for keeping a dirt free floor
Dan Oz Direct's swivel sweeper
(on Ebay I found one cheaper)
But with so much for me to do
I wish now that I had bought two
My floor's so clean, I want to keep
Swivelling instead of sleep
Up go the leaves, dirt and crumbs
As the little red rectangle hums
Effortlessly gliding across the tiles
and gently over the carpet piles
Sadly for my battery operated friend
The initial charge has now come to an end
At least tonight my husband can sleep
Without being disturbed by my addiction to sweep!
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Sims Day of Christmas
This is a long one, but the the 12 Days of Christmas is! This was written for our friends when they came out to visit us in Australia a year after we moved out. They joined us for Christmas. It was an enormous trip for them not just as it was so exciting for their family of 5 to come to Australia for two weeks, but financially as well so we were so happy they made the huge effort to come see us from the UK. We took them them to all the local attractions and beaches.
My daughter and I sang this to them when they arrived, just goving them an idea of what they were going to get up to for the time they were with us!
To the tune of '12 days of Christmas'
On the first day of Christmas
Our visitors arrived
For a Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the second day of Christmas
Rock pooling for some shells
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the third day of Christmas
We went swimming in the sea
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the forth day of Christmas
A trip to Aussie Zoo
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the fifth day of Christmas
To Mooloolaba
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week aussie holiday
On the sixth day of Christmas
Eumundi Market
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the seventh day of Christmas
Underwaterworld
Seals, sharks and Stingrays,
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the eighth day of Christmas
Drive down the Obi
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the ninth day of Christmas
Dining on the deck
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the tenth day of Christmas
A trip to Rainbow Beach
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the eleventh day of Christmas
A day out on a boat
Look at the dolphins
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the twelfth day of Christmas
Admiring the view
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the thirteenth day of Christmas
Need to pack the bags
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the fourteenth day of Christmas
Back down to Brisbane airport
Wave bye bye to good friends
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
On the 15th day of Christmas
Arriving back home
Rebook for next year
Wave bye bye to good friends
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday
The big 4-Oh!
This is one of my favourites. My friend Michelle's husband Andrew loves 'Let it Snow' and sings it from October onwards at work, annoying all his colleagues. The words were just so suitable and fell in to place. Michelle is obsessed with Disney World and they holiday at Disney every year, even before they had kids!
They always do fab parties too where it is essential you dress up. I sang this one at a "Indiana Jones' themed party when he turned 40. It was a great song to sing to him,
The Big Four-Oh (to the tune of Let it Snow)
Oh my middle age spread is frightful
And cocoa is so delightful
I’m hoping it doesn’t show
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!
They say life begins at forty
Do I have to stop being naughty?
As long as it all works below
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!
A mid life crisis is looming
My golf is way over par
More alcohol I’m consuming
And I want to upgrade me car
Dressing up excites me dearly
I can hold my drink, no really
Beer, scotch, a nice Bordeaux
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh the Big four Oh!
More gadgets I’m acquiring
I enjoy playing with my wii
Only 20 years ‘til retiring
And forty more trips to Disney
Well me wife she still has a toy boy
And my life, I still can enjoy
As long as she doesn’t say no
The big Four Oh….. the Big four Oh….. the Big four Oh!
They always do fab parties too where it is essential you dress up. I sang this one at a "Indiana Jones' themed party when he turned 40. It was a great song to sing to him,
The Big Four-Oh (to the tune of Let it Snow)
Oh my middle age spread is frightful
And cocoa is so delightful
I’m hoping it doesn’t show
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!
They say life begins at forty
Do I have to stop being naughty?
As long as it all works below
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!
A mid life crisis is looming
My golf is way over par
More alcohol I’m consuming
And I want to upgrade me car
Dressing up excites me dearly
I can hold my drink, no really
Beer, scotch, a nice Bordeaux
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh the Big four Oh!
More gadgets I’m acquiring
I enjoy playing with my wii
Only 20 years ‘til retiring
And forty more trips to Disney
Well me wife she still has a toy boy
And my life, I still can enjoy
As long as she doesn’t say no
The big Four Oh….. the Big four Oh….. the Big four Oh!
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Cereal Killer
This was a homework task for my daughter when she was 11. She had to use the following spelling words in a poem so I came up with the following. She didn't hand it in to her teacher which I was most upset about. I would have liked to be marked!
natural
guests
gradually
guilt
original
eventually
guarantee
cereal
Cereal Killer
I decided to make a new cereal
Natural and original
I used several different ingredients
Including shredded clowns and honey
I wanted it to be guilt free
And offered a low fat guarantee
Heaven in a bowl I said
And sold it for some money
Guests tried it gradually
Tasting it eventually
And when I asked them what they thought
They said it tasted funny!
In a tiny house....
An anniversary poem for my husband, an architect
to the tune of Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen By The Sea
There’s modern house
Without a stream
Where a handsome chap
Had a lovely dream
And his dream came true
Quite unexpectedly
Once he’d applied and received his Australian residency
He went out one day
Where the avocados grow
When a gorgeous chick
Stopped to say hello
And before he knew
She’s kissed him tenderly
At a renovated house with fantastic views looking out to sea
They were actually already married and so they packed the car
Went to The Hyatt Coolum and enjoyed the beach and spa
He designed a house
For his wife and three
With a lovely view
And a huge study
And one they got
Their Aussie residency
Built a home in Mapleton with fantastic views looking out to sea
To realise their dreams, this is how it all began
They put their heads together
And devised a strategic plan
Together hand in hand
On the balcony
With the colourful birds
Kids, one, two and three
Drinking beer and wine
And singing merrily
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
to the tune of Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen By The Sea
There’s modern house
Without a stream
Where a handsome chap
Had a lovely dream
And his dream came true
Quite unexpectedly
Once he’d applied and received his Australian residency
He went out one day
Where the avocados grow
When a gorgeous chick
Stopped to say hello
And before he knew
She’s kissed him tenderly
At a renovated house with fantastic views looking out to sea
They were actually already married and so they packed the car
Went to The Hyatt Coolum and enjoyed the beach and spa
He designed a house
For his wife and three
With a lovely view
And a huge study
And one they got
Their Aussie residency
Built a home in Mapleton with fantastic views looking out to sea
To realise their dreams, this is how it all began
They put their heads together
And devised a strategic plan
Together hand in hand
On the balcony
With the colourful birds
Kids, one, two and three
Drinking beer and wine
And singing merrily
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
Whacking your drum
A poem for my husband's 40th birthday. We had left a couple of African drums in the UK as we were not allowed to bring them to Australia with the skins on. So for Alex's birthday, 4 months after we arrived here, I got him a new African drum with money from family in the UK.
They sent me some money
Instructions to buy
Something you’d like
I really did try
I added it up
It totalled some bucks
And in return for this task
I deserve several thank you’s from our family in England.
With money from Gerry
And Margaret too,
Melinda and Paul
To name but a few
Heide and Hannah
Andrea and Matt
Jonathan and Hugo
And possibly the cat
So with love from your family
And especially you mum
We hope you enjoy
Whacking your drum!
Little Ditty about Kath and Graham
I helped a friend Kathleen organise her partner’s Graeme’s 40th on the12th August 2010. It wasn’t until I was at the party that I realised I should have written him a song. I had sung to his dad, Ed, a couple of months before (see The Stumbler) and I suddenly felt awful that I hadn’t prepared something for Graeme.
Graeme like playing guitar, Bunderburg Rum, computer games and of course his fiancée Kathleen and kids Toby and Lily. They are living with his parents, Ed and Nicole and saving up for a house.
So I disappeared into the study with a glass or two of wine and came up with the following.
To the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane Kath & Graeme
Little ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two Australian kids grown up in Queensland
Graeme gonna be a huge rock star
Kath collects his plectrums and stores them in a jar.
Suckin on instant noodles down in Maleny
Kathleen sittin on Graeme’s lap
He’s got his hands between her knees
Graham says, Hey Kathleen lets run off to Kalgoorlie
Go make some money and start a family
And Graeme says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the Bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks
and I’m feeling strong
So Graeme and Kath go off and earn some money
It was stinking hot and really rather sunny
They pumped huge amounts so the petrol did flow
And returned to Flaxton with two kids in tow.
Graham says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks and I’m feeling strong
Let it rock,
Let it roll
We’ve gotta Toby and Lily to console
Hold on to laughter as long as you can
We’ve still young and we can be like my old man
Little Ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two fab aussie kids growing up in Queensland
At the moment living in a rumpus room
But hope to find a house to fill, real soon
Graeme like playing guitar, Bunderburg Rum, computer games and of course his fiancée Kathleen and kids Toby and Lily. They are living with his parents, Ed and Nicole and saving up for a house.
So I disappeared into the study with a glass or two of wine and came up with the following.
To the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane Kath & Graeme
Little ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two Australian kids grown up in Queensland
Graeme gonna be a huge rock star
Kath collects his plectrums and stores them in a jar.
Suckin on instant noodles down in Maleny
Kathleen sittin on Graeme’s lap
He’s got his hands between her knees
Graham says, Hey Kathleen lets run off to Kalgoorlie
Go make some money and start a family
And Graeme says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the Bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks
and I’m feeling strong
So Graeme and Kath go off and earn some money
It was stinking hot and really rather sunny
They pumped huge amounts so the petrol did flow
And returned to Flaxton with two kids in tow.
Graham says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks and I’m feeling strong
Let it rock,
Let it roll
We’ve gotta Toby and Lily to console
Hold on to laughter as long as you can
We’ve still young and we can be like my old man
Little Ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two fab aussie kids growing up in Queensland
At the moment living in a rumpus room
But hope to find a house to fill, real soon
Have Faith
Written after moving our family from the UK to Australia and we were in the 3rd house in 6 months and having to face moving again. Lots of things were unsettling and difficult, but I knew we would get through it.
Have Faith
When we started out nearly 9 years ago
Cuddles and kisses would readily flow
Love, passion and warmth were in our household
Our energy and happiness seemed uncontrolled
But every year great challenges we set
Sometimes unnecessarily but we seem to forget
The increase stress it brings on us all
The last thing we need is to stumble and fall
So keep the life simple, the challenges real
Our bodies can rest and take time to heal
Our lives a routine where we live for today
Not striving for something that is so far away.
I love you so much so you don’t need to worry
Our new life here will pass in a hurry
If we don’t stop and take a look at what we’ve achieved
It’s so much other people wouldn’t have believed
We have 15 months left before we review
And only then will we know what to do
If our future lies here or back in the cold
Together we’ll do it, your hand I will hold
We will make our lives calmer and share precious time
Facing the future together tackling those mountains we climb
Revive our strengths, passion, laughter and tears
Hand in hand, heart in heart, for the next 40 years
Have Faith
When we started out nearly 9 years ago
Cuddles and kisses would readily flow
Love, passion and warmth were in our household
Our energy and happiness seemed uncontrolled
But every year great challenges we set
Sometimes unnecessarily but we seem to forget
The increase stress it brings on us all
The last thing we need is to stumble and fall
So keep the life simple, the challenges real
Our bodies can rest and take time to heal
Our lives a routine where we live for today
Not striving for something that is so far away.
I love you so much so you don’t need to worry
Our new life here will pass in a hurry
If we don’t stop and take a look at what we’ve achieved
It’s so much other people wouldn’t have believed
We have 15 months left before we review
And only then will we know what to do
If our future lies here or back in the cold
Together we’ll do it, your hand I will hold
We will make our lives calmer and share precious time
Facing the future together tackling those mountains we climb
Revive our strengths, passion, laughter and tears
Hand in hand, heart in heart, for the next 40 years
Favourite Things
Song for my Auntie Kate
Passed away age 74
8th November 2010
A wonderfully musical lady who was a dedicated primary school teacher all her life
For Kate
To the tune of My favourite Things
Snow in the winter and a tan from the Med
Playing piano and kicking my leg to my head
Skating on ice and of course drinking gins
These are a few of my favourite things
Teaching primary children, skills for their life
And being a magnificent mother and wife
Embracing and challenging whatever life brings
These are a few of my favourite things
Enjoying a round of golf with my friends
Hoping the holiday in Greece never ends
Seeing my children graduate like kings
These are a few of my favourite things
I’ve done all my sums
So when the time comes
Please don’t feel bad
Just simply remember the great life I have led
And then you won’t feel so sad
Passed away age 74
8th November 2010
A wonderfully musical lady who was a dedicated primary school teacher all her life
For Kate
To the tune of My favourite Things
Snow in the winter and a tan from the Med
Playing piano and kicking my leg to my head
Skating on ice and of course drinking gins
These are a few of my favourite things
Teaching primary children, skills for their life
And being a magnificent mother and wife
Embracing and challenging whatever life brings
These are a few of my favourite things
Enjoying a round of golf with my friends
Hoping the holiday in Greece never ends
Seeing my children graduate like kings
These are a few of my favourite things
I’ve done all my sums
So when the time comes
Please don’t feel bad
Just simply remember the great life I have led
And then you won’t feel so sad
Our Granny
My husband’s mother turned 70 in October 2010. We made her a big scrap book with lots of photos for her to look at and did pictures and words around them. On one page I printed this poem for her, which the kids helped with. Heide is from Germany and although has lived in the UK for over 40 years, still has quite a good German accent when she pronounces things.
Our Granny
German Speaking
Larder sneaking
Woolly chairs
A few grey hairs
Chess playing
Child surveying
Russian Dolls
Go for strolls
Comfy bed
Heinz Sandwich Spread
Why not have some nice Muesli
Or one of my jars of strange tea
Boxes of Jaffa cakes
Bread that the Lantern makes
Walks through Sticklebirch
On Sundays, off to church
Bracken Cottage, really tidy
Perfect for Granny Heide
Tiny kitchen, just for one
Eating outside in the sun
While away a few small hours
Watering your lovely flowers
Every time a welcoming host
Stroll to the office to pick up post
Chatty ladies just pop by
Smile and wave and say ‘Hi’
Our Granny, she does own
A very simple mobile phone
Although she was a bit perplexed
When she had to send a text
Ryvitas in a Tupperware
(Never ever heard her swear)
Angels on her vindowsill
Knitting, now a long lost skill
We know it was destiny
To be so close to us three
It takes expertise to become
Our super duper granny-mum
The Lantern = local community shop, cafe and bakery where she lives where adults with learning difficulties bake and serve.
Sticklebirch - a local creek and walk
Bracken Cottage - Granny's home
Vindowsill - german accent, eg. vellingtons, veelie bins and going for a valk.
Cheese for my Tea
During pregnancy you are advised not to eat certain foods including shellfish, raw eggs, ice-cream, unpasteurised cheeses and processed meats
So I wrote this poem for Sherrell to celebrate her third son Will and the fact she could eat cheese again... or could she?
10th September 2010
Cheese for my Tea
Overjoyed you were with your third pregnancy
Here he is, son and heir! Tate number three!
And after just over nine month’s wait
We welcome the big boy, Will Jameson Tate!
Being a foodie and pregnant, a downside for me
Was not being able to have cheese for my tea
So after months of tender boobs and being so ‘big’
Go on, go treat yourself and eat like a pig!
Your job carrying Will is now complete
So I’m just thinking of all the things you can eat
After nine months of no brie or soft serve ice cream
“Gimme some blue cheese!” you’re entitled to scream!
Cabanossi, chicken roll and nice slice of Devon
A quick trip to the deli could really be heaven
Processed and pickled and made to look real
A meat platter from Woolies, what a wonderful meal
Duck Paté, meat spreads and cold turkey slices
Look out for the meats, this weeks special prices
You can visit a Subway, choose from the display
Or pop to a Sizzler for the enormous buffet
Perhaps you will treat yourself to some cheese
Italian blue, a soft French and some Greek fetta please
With some lovely crisp crackers and olives so fine
Washed down with a glass of lovely chilled wine
Sashimi, Tapas and a fresh sushi roll
Even smoked salmon you can stuff down your hole
Ready to eat prawns and mercury filled fish
Mayonnaise, raw eggs, you can now eat all you wish
But wait no! The breastfeeding guidelines have similar rules
Ignoring them is only done so by fools
So avoid broccoli, cabbage as it can make babies fart
But fish with Omega 3 is good for his heart
We can’t meet for caffeine, but you can have a green tea
Fresh orange juice will give a boost of vitamin C
Drink lots of water and eat high fibres too
And squatting is good when you go to the loo!
In Autumn next year while there is still some warm sun
I reckon you’ll be itching to have a bit of fun
Your friends with 3 kids would strongly recommend
Another all girls Rainbow Beach Weekend!
So I wrote this poem for Sherrell to celebrate her third son Will and the fact she could eat cheese again... or could she?
10th September 2010
Cheese for my Tea
Overjoyed you were with your third pregnancy
Here he is, son and heir! Tate number three!
And after just over nine month’s wait
We welcome the big boy, Will Jameson Tate!
Being a foodie and pregnant, a downside for me
Was not being able to have cheese for my tea
So after months of tender boobs and being so ‘big’
Go on, go treat yourself and eat like a pig!
Your job carrying Will is now complete
So I’m just thinking of all the things you can eat
After nine months of no brie or soft serve ice cream
“Gimme some blue cheese!” you’re entitled to scream!
Cabanossi, chicken roll and nice slice of Devon
A quick trip to the deli could really be heaven
Processed and pickled and made to look real
A meat platter from Woolies, what a wonderful meal
Duck Paté, meat spreads and cold turkey slices
Look out for the meats, this weeks special prices
You can visit a Subway, choose from the display
Or pop to a Sizzler for the enormous buffet
Perhaps you will treat yourself to some cheese
Italian blue, a soft French and some Greek fetta please
With some lovely crisp crackers and olives so fine
Washed down with a glass of lovely chilled wine
Sashimi, Tapas and a fresh sushi roll
Even smoked salmon you can stuff down your hole
Ready to eat prawns and mercury filled fish
Mayonnaise, raw eggs, you can now eat all you wish
But wait no! The breastfeeding guidelines have similar rules
Ignoring them is only done so by fools
So avoid broccoli, cabbage as it can make babies fart
But fish with Omega 3 is good for his heart
We can’t meet for caffeine, but you can have a green tea
Fresh orange juice will give a boost of vitamin C
Drink lots of water and eat high fibres too
And squatting is good when you go to the loo!
In Autumn next year while there is still some warm sun
I reckon you’ll be itching to have a bit of fun
Your friends with 3 kids would strongly recommend
Another all girls Rainbow Beach Weekend!
Mum of Three
I wrote this for Sherrell when she produced her third son Will on the 10th September 2010. I went on to write Cheese for my tea straight afterwards, so the lucky girl got two. She was so chuffed, she has never had a poem written for her before!
Mum of Three
As well as growing babies inside our tums
A big part of being responsible mums
We pass onto our kids a bit of our brain
So after kid Number 3, we are mildly insane
Things aren’t where we put them and we forget where we are
We lose coats and bags and the keys for the car
We become very good at made-up games
But have trouble remembering our family’s names
We can’t hold on for too long when we need a pee
Sometimes we even forget we have three
I left one at home once and visited a friend
Something I don’t really recommend
But there is so much to think of with one and with two
And three means you just have even more to do
Some folk are courageous and push out 4 and then 5
But my patience is low, as is my sex drive!
So the Mum of Three Club welcomes you Sherrell Tate
We are here to applaud your super birth rate
We support, listen, encourage and cheer
And defend our decision about our change of career!
The main committee in your local Club ‘Mum of three’
Is Mystic Tina Mac Mac right down the Obi
Then Missy Melissy, three girls to her name
Reflexologist and Masseur of Crystal Street acclaim
Karen also has three girls and a passion for bubbles,
As does Miss Ali, who has ongoing troubles
But all 4 of us welcome you to the Mum of three club
Sherrell Tate, Supermum and your darling new bub.
We’ll teach you to forget stuff, bags, hats and keys
You won’t need much training and it does come with ease
Entering a room and wondering why you’re there
And feeling kind comfy in your daggy leisure wear
Actually we think you’re special, an ‘organised’ mum of three
You prepare you plan, have systems for things, I think we all agree
Maybe you’ll be the model mum, the wise one who’s still sane
The one who’s made sure she retains 100% of her brain
Mum of Three
As well as growing babies inside our tums
A big part of being responsible mums
We pass onto our kids a bit of our brain
So after kid Number 3, we are mildly insane
Things aren’t where we put them and we forget where we are
We lose coats and bags and the keys for the car
We become very good at made-up games
But have trouble remembering our family’s names
We can’t hold on for too long when we need a pee
Sometimes we even forget we have three
I left one at home once and visited a friend
Something I don’t really recommend
But there is so much to think of with one and with two
And three means you just have even more to do
Some folk are courageous and push out 4 and then 5
But my patience is low, as is my sex drive!
So the Mum of Three Club welcomes you Sherrell Tate
We are here to applaud your super birth rate
We support, listen, encourage and cheer
And defend our decision about our change of career!
The main committee in your local Club ‘Mum of three’
Is Mystic Tina Mac Mac right down the Obi
Then Missy Melissy, three girls to her name
Reflexologist and Masseur of Crystal Street acclaim
Karen also has three girls and a passion for bubbles,
As does Miss Ali, who has ongoing troubles
But all 4 of us welcome you to the Mum of three club
Sherrell Tate, Supermum and your darling new bub.
We’ll teach you to forget stuff, bags, hats and keys
You won’t need much training and it does come with ease
Entering a room and wondering why you’re there
And feeling kind comfy in your daggy leisure wear
Actually we think you’re special, an ‘organised’ mum of three
You prepare you plan, have systems for things, I think we all agree
Maybe you’ll be the model mum, the wise one who’s still sane
The one who’s made sure she retains 100% of her brain
The Stumbler
We had a little get together to celebrate Ed’s Burke's 79th birthday on the 27th June 2010. He really likes Country and Western and so I re-wrote the words to The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. It went down very well and I sang it twice. However the second time I forgot the tune, but it sounded good despite the change!
Ed worked for National Mapping as a Cartographer mapping out a lot of Aus and other places. They live at No 52, their dog is called Red, his wife Nicole is of Greek decent, hence the reference to lamb and feta and he enjoys his red wine….
He is 80 this year… Now how and I going to top this one?
The Stumbler
On a warm summer’s evening, in a ‘ute bound for Flaxton
I met up with a woman; we were both too tired to think
So we took turns at driving and staring out the window
Then we pulled into 52 and she offered me a drink
She said “Mind all the baby toys and don’t trip over Red dog”
She got a glass from the cupboard and poured me a red wine
As I gazed into her eyes I enquired “Whatcha doing later?”
She said “pull yourself together Ed, you’ve just turned seven nine!”
She handed me the bottle and I drank down my last swallow
Walked back past the ‘ute and went off to me shed
I could smell dinner cooking, potatoes, lamb with feta
I closed my eyes to drink it in and tripped right over Red
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
Every Aussie bloke knows that the secret to survive is
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep
Well I’ve kept my Nicole and I’m glad I’ve hung on to me ‘ute
As it’s giving us adventures and a good dry place to sleep
I’ve toiled all over Oz and I’ve mapped out some strange places
Riding a tinny on the reef and a Cessna in the air
Each year we still go driving for weeks across the desert
But mostly it’s to Cyberspace from the comfort of me chair
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
Ed worked for National Mapping as a Cartographer mapping out a lot of Aus and other places. They live at No 52, their dog is called Red, his wife Nicole is of Greek decent, hence the reference to lamb and feta and he enjoys his red wine….
He is 80 this year… Now how and I going to top this one?
The Stumbler
On a warm summer’s evening, in a ‘ute bound for Flaxton
I met up with a woman; we were both too tired to think
So we took turns at driving and staring out the window
Then we pulled into 52 and she offered me a drink
She said “Mind all the baby toys and don’t trip over Red dog”
She got a glass from the cupboard and poured me a red wine
As I gazed into her eyes I enquired “Whatcha doing later?”
She said “pull yourself together Ed, you’ve just turned seven nine!”
She handed me the bottle and I drank down my last swallow
Walked back past the ‘ute and went off to me shed
I could smell dinner cooking, potatoes, lamb with feta
I closed my eyes to drink it in and tripped right over Red
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
Every Aussie bloke knows that the secret to survive is
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep
Well I’ve kept my Nicole and I’m glad I’ve hung on to me ‘ute
As it’s giving us adventures and a good dry place to sleep
I’ve toiled all over Oz and I’ve mapped out some strange places
Riding a tinny on the reef and a Cessna in the air
Each year we still go driving for weeks across the desert
But mostly it’s to Cyberspace from the comfort of me chair
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Welcome
I love words and have been writing for years. Although it started with silly poems, I have matured (slightly) and now enjoy writing poems and songs for special friends to celebrate special milestones. I have decided to put these online should anyone be interested and also they are a safe haven online should anything happen to my knackered old laptop! So from my first song for Helen, to the latest poems for Sherrell and her baby and all the stuff in the background since I was 14, enjoy my silly poems, my prose, my barstardisation of songs and if any one of them makes you smile, then I am happy. Let me know what you think! Ali Hoffmann née Rose
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