Woolworths Shopping

Tik Tok – Woolies Shopping

I was writing a birthday song for Tina and ended up with this. Appropriate for most of the mums from school who love up here on the mountain range.

To the tune of Tik Tik by Ke$ha

Hold the shift key, click the link and the music will start in a seperate window.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-uFcw3e0fU

Wake up in the morning, tired and a bit shitty
Grab my sunnies, purse and green bags - I’m gonna hit Nambour city
Before I leave, grab my keys, I put my hair in a bunch
No time for breakfast, I’ll drive through Maccas for brunch.

I’m talking - Can’t find any clean clothes, clothes
Wiping the children’s nose, nose
now where did I put my phone, phone
Drop off the kids, park at Woolies
Trying to get a trolly
Hope that it’s not wonkey, ey, ey

Don’t shop, make me stop
I’m feeling all up tight
I need to get the groceries
And then I’ll be alright
Tick tock, on the clock
The checkouts are busy
Woah-oh oh oh

Don’t shop, make me stop
My trolley getting full
Grab a woman’s weekly
And neck down a red bull
Tick tock, on the clock
Got to leave by half past two
Woah –oh oh oh

Left the shopping list at home
And the bags in the car
I’ve been here an hour
And not got very far
Still in the veggie aisle
Looking for what’s in season
Don’t really know why, but I’m sure there is a reason

Just stocking up on meat, meat
And stuff the kids won’t eat, eat
Should stop dragging my feet, feet
So I head of to the deli, deli
Where the cheese is really smelly, smelly
Then go buy some jelly, jelly
And maybe some paparadelle

Don’t shop, make me stop
I’m need to buy bog roll
And some new batteries
For the tv remote control
Tick tock, on the clock
The checkouts are busy
Woah-oh oh oh

Don’t shop, make me stop
Ooh! 5 dollars for Nutrigrain!
2 for 1 on cake mix
Grab a pre-pack quiche lorraine
Tick tock, on the clock
Got to leave by half past two
Woah –oh oh oh

Just grab some milk
A hot cooked chook
I need some more toothpaste
Some nice fresh fish
Look! Samples on a tray
I may just have a taste
Stock up shampoo
Lasagne sheets
The dips are going cheap
With knockdown prices
On every aisle
I know I’ll buy a heap

Now I really need to go and line up in a queue

Don’t shop, make me stop
Shit I forgot the cotton wool
But unless I get back up the hill
The school car park will be full
Tick tock, on the clock
This line is really slow
Woah-oh oh oh

Don’t shop, make me stop
300 bucks for this?
I can put some stuff back,
I am sure the kids won’t miss
Tick tock, on the clock
It’s now nearly 20 to three…..
Woah –oh oh oh

Tina's 40th - 'Tinamite'

Tina's 40th

I organised a surprise lunch for my wonderful friend Tina and sang her this song to celebrate her 40th birthday. She is a passionate astrologer, hence the stars and star sign reference. As a present from her sister Kim, she was treated to a posh haircut in Brisbane and the party was the first time we had seen the new shorter style which really suited her. She also had a new 'body' after working with a personal trainer.

I started writing another song, which turned in to a song about shopping at Woolworths and not a birthday song! I was really worried for a few days as I wanted to come up with something more personal.

I was driving in the car with my daughter and this song came on the radio. We were singing along and I realised Dynamite could be come 'Tinamite' and then it flowed!

A lovely lunch, lovely company and now a lovely memory.

This is to the Tune of Dynamite by Taio Cruz
If you don't know the song, hold the shift key, click on the link and the tune will open in another window.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6CfTn22HDI


Tina’s our friend, friend, friend, friend
Today with her we want to spend spend spend
Not drive her round the bend bend bend bend
Love on her 40th We all send send send send

Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone

Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty

So go Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
Transmitting Uranus
You’re our Tinamite!

We came to meet meet meet meet
Drink sparkling wine and then eat eat eat
A day off from kids what a treat treat treat
Great friends you cannot beat beat beat

Ye, ye
The 30’s have gone they’ve gone, they’ve gone
Yeah they’ve gone they’ve gone they’ve gone

Yeah!
Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty

Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
the stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
We’ve told you once
now we told you twice
you light up the room
You’re our Tinamite!

So enjoy a wi-ine
Karen will be the last one standing,
And enjoy the fooo-ood
Don’t worry about expanding
You’re looking fab
Yeah, you’re looking fab
You earned it all, you earned it all
We’re gonna put our hands in the air
And compliment you hair
…compliment your hair

Throw our bras up in the air sometimes
Saying 40!
Let’s be naughty!
Astrology can help you live your life
Shouting 40!
Let’s be naughty

Life begins Taurus girl
On this here night
The stars light you up
Cos you’re Tinamite!
Cos we’ve told you once
Now we told you twice
Cheers to the next 40 years
For our Tinamite!

A-N-D-Y to the tune of YMCA

2nd song for Andrew's 40th, sung at his Indiana Jones themed party after I had done him the song 'The Big Four-Oh' Of course the whole party joined in with the chorus and swung their arms about trying to make the A,N, D & Y! He does like his drink and was rather sick after his wife's 40th which I had sung at the year before, hence the 'rush to the loo' line. * East Bergholt is the village they live in and honestly, his brother is a professional clown!

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said young man, you are talk of the town
I said young man, 'cause you’re forty today!
wi-th cock-tails and a buf-fet

Young man, we are all here for yo-oo-oo
Joining, the East Bergholt crew-ew-ew
And we-ee, are gonna show you
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal

Young man, are you listening to me?
I said pour him, a large G and Tee-ee-ee
Followed, by a few pints of beer
And then come right ov-er here

Watch out, he’s a little frisky
So give him, a glass of whiskey
And then we can all boogie down
(Did you know his bro’s a clown?)

It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal


Try some, of Michelle’s super punch
Foods out, lets all have a munch
Make sure, the camcorder’s here
And then pass that man a beer…

Now Andy, he is just full of charm
A cocktail can’t do any harm
Finish with a swift shot or two
Then a quick dash to the loo

It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
With a drink in our hand and in fancy dress
In the morning we’ll be a mess
It's fun to be friends with ANDY,
It's fun to be friends with ANDY
You can get very pissed and have a good meal,
Life of the party, with sex appeal

Madeleine's 11th birthday

For my daughter Maddy's 11th birthday I got her tickets to see the West End Musical Mamma Mia. She loved the film, loved the music, so it was a great idea to take her to the show. I went with her down on the train after school. This was her birthday poem



Would you like a CD or paperback book
A DVD, t-shirt or something to cook

An audio book would have been nice
Or a Chinese takeaway with lots of fried rice

A pink accessory to go with your room
Or some flowery nice smelling girlie perfume

A soft pink pillow to go on your bed
Or an outdoor toy to be stored in the shed

No, Nana and Grandad gave me some money, money, moneySo you could eat something like Honey, Honey

The last few weeks, the weather’s been a bummer
But we’ve had lots of fun during our last summer

We will go out for a meal and have a huge ice-cream
I expect we will enjoy ourselves as I have a dream

Remember to flush when you go to the loo
They do, so do I, I do, I do, I do

So now you are 11, let’s go and have a ball
As the birthday girl’s a winner and should ‘take it all!’

Alex 40

To the tune of All Summer Long by Kid Rock
He is left handed!

It was 1969, my hair was blonde my legs were long
I was born in South Africa in a shed
I then left for England on a boat with mum and dad
And I ended up somewhere in Dorset.

Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh

Growing up in Camphill
My life was pretty brill
Apart from lentils and a loathing for goats cheese
We had no tv, no internet
But man I never will forget
When I had to eat undercooked chick peas

While I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Sharpening my pencils made my left arm very strong
My trousers I did outgrow,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be an architect all my life long.
I want to be an architect all my life long.

After a year in Africa stalling
An Architects course was calling
A later a job in London after my degree
I met my wife called Ali
And we got very pally
I wooed her by learning how to ski!

I was sketching different things
Planning what tomorrow brings
Holding my ski poles made my left arm very strong
I proposed to her in Como,
thinking about tomorrow
I want to be with Ali all my life long.
I want to be with Ali all my life long.

A ready made family I had
I got married and became a dad
Everything that life threw at me I caught
Then I began to wonder
If we could move down under
And we were here without a second thought

I started to work for Hassell
We found our Mapleton castle
We love the fact the kids can walk to school
We’ve made some friends we think
Who also enjoy a drink
And even gone skinny dipping in the pool!

I’m now sketching different things
And pulling different strings
Holding my mouse tight makes my left arm very strong
Commuting on the train,
all the way to Brisbane
I think I’ll be there all my life long

So now that I am 40
And my wife’s a little shorty
I’m enjoying this life and my left arms still so strong
Although we’ve had some sorrow,
I am not thinking about tomorrow
Other than I want to be in Aus all my life long.

Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long
Singing Sweet Home Mapleton all summer long

Alex's Christmas Present 2006

This was the poem Alex opened on Christmas morning. I had got him tickets to see the Show of The Snowman by Raymond Briggs which is on in the West End most years. It is a ballet, but not too ballet-ish, if that makes sense, and the kids are all in awe at the snowman and the little boy when they fly. We had a lovely day out including lunch and the matinee performance, before coming home.

The Christmas Present

I thought and thought then thought some more
I searched the web and paced the floor
Something to wear, a new tool to hold
Something warm to keep out the cold

Gloves and scarves and boring old hats
A calendar with pictures of really cute cats
Some pants without holes and some new socks
Hidden in an extremely large box

A book, or two, or three or four
Do you really want any more?
Paperbacks for each day on the train
Or an enormous book about architecture again

DVD’s often go down real well
(We’ve lots that we really should sell)
Action, thriller, comedy to keep
Watch for an hour, then fall asleep

A CD of Travis or Keane or Embrace
Another selection to lose or misplace
Now 99, or Pop Party Ten
To sing to in the car again and again

An additional tool to store in the shed
Or in your wardrobe above your head
A saw or compact screwdriver set
Homebase will have something you don’t have yet

A gadget or gizmo, a new mobile phone
With mp3’s mexapixels and annoying ring tone
More earphones to break and chargers to use
Waiting in Vodaphone, joining the queues

T-shirts; black or white or nice light blue
A three pack from Marks’s will normally do
Some PJ bottoms that are not too short
All of these things, I could have bought

But I decided to do something nice for us
It will mean a ride on the train and perhaps on a bus
The 9.03 Colchester Londonbound train
You’ll can use your rail season ticket again!

So on Saturday the 30th we’re out for the day
Which includes entertainment, food, fun and play
It will bring tears to your eyes, tears of joy
(I’ll bring some tissues, because you’re a boy!)

This present is for Sophia and You
(but I thought I might tag along too!)
So enjoy my little special plan
Merry Christmas to my wonderful man!

Jame's Baptism

A more serious poem written for my friend Lynn and Steve's son James's baptism. I am not religious so found this a challenge to do, but was very pleased with the result. I framed it and one for his brother and the last time I was at their house, they are still proudly displayed on the window sill.


Feel the love surround you
Today and every day
Love from you dear family
Which God has sent your way

Your family is a circle
Of enormous strength and love
And includes the care from Jesus
And his father up above

God created boys
Full of sprit, strength and fun
To explore the world, learn from it
And share with everyone

Remember your faith and you will
Touch the people you know
Continuing your journey through life
Learning as you grow

God is always at your side
And think of him when you pray
May all the love of Heaven
Enrich this Baptism Day