Sims Day of Christmas

This is a long one, but the the 12 Days of Christmas is! This was written for our friends when they came out to visit us in Australia a year after we moved out. They joined us for Christmas. It was an enormous trip for them not just as it was so exciting for their family of 5 to come to Australia for two weeks, but financially as well so we were so happy they made the huge effort to come see us from the UK. We took them them to all the local attractions and beaches.

My daughter and I sang this to them when they arrived, just goving them an idea of what they were going to get up to for the time they were with us!

To the tune of '12 days of Christmas'

On the first day of Christmas
Our visitors arrived
For a Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the second day of Christmas
Rock pooling for some shells
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the third day of Christmas
We went swimming in the sea
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the forth day of Christmas
A trip to Aussie Zoo
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the fifth day of Christmas
To Mooloolaba
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week aussie holiday

On the sixth day of Christmas
Eumundi Market
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday


On the seventh day of Christmas
Underwaterworld
Seals, sharks and Stingrays,
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the eighth day of Christmas
Drive down the Obi
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the ninth day of Christmas
Dining on the deck
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday


On the tenth day of Christmas
A trip to Rainbow Beach
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the eleventh day of Christmas
A day out on a boat
Look at the dolphins
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Admiring the view
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday


On the thirteenth day of Christmas
Need to pack the bags
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday


On the fourteenth day of Christmas
Back down to Brisbane airport
Wave bye bye to good friends
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

On the 15th day of Christmas
Arriving back home
Rebook for next year
Wave bye bye to good friends
Stuff in the souvenirs
Beer on the balcony
Look at the dolphins (breathe!)
Don’t fall off the sandblow
Prawns on the barbie
Watch out for wallabies
Seals, Sharks and Stingrays
Hear the didgeridoos
Xmas on the Beach
Crikey there’s a croc!
Slap on factor 50
Don’t forget your hat
On the Sims two week Aussie holiday

The big 4-Oh!

This is one of my favourites. My friend Michelle's husband Andrew loves 'Let it Snow' and sings it from October onwards at work, annoying all his colleagues. The words were just so suitable and fell in to place. Michelle is obsessed with Disney World and they holiday at Disney every year, even before they had kids!

They always do fab parties too where it is essential you dress up. I sang this one at a "Indiana Jones' themed party when he turned 40. It was a great song to sing to him,

The Big Four-Oh (to the tune of Let it Snow)

Oh my middle age spread is frightful
And cocoa is so delightful
I’m hoping it doesn’t show
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!

They say life begins at forty
Do I have to stop being naughty?
As long as it all works below
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh, the Big four Oh!

A mid life crisis is looming
My golf is way over par
More alcohol I’m consuming
And I want to upgrade me car

Dressing up excites me dearly
I can hold my drink, no really
Beer, scotch, a nice Bordeaux
The big Four Oh, the Big four Oh the Big four Oh!

More gadgets I’m acquiring
I enjoy playing with my wii
Only 20 years ‘til retiring
And forty more trips to Disney

Well me wife she still has a toy boy
And my life, I still can enjoy
As long as she doesn’t say no
The big Four Oh….. the Big four Oh….. the Big four Oh!

Cereal Killer

This was a homework task for my daughter when she was 11. She had to use the following spelling words in a poem so I came up with the following. She didn't hand it in to her teacher which I was most upset about. I would have liked to be marked!

natural

guests

gradually

guilt

original

eventually

guarantee

cereal

Cereal Killer

I decided to make a new cereal

Natural and original

I used several different ingredients

Including shredded clowns and honey

I wanted it to be guilt free

And offered a low fat guarantee

Heaven in a bowl I said

And sold it for some money

Guests tried it gradually

Tasting it eventually

And when I asked them what they thought

They said it tasted funny!

In a tiny house....

An anniversary poem for my husband, an architect

to the tune of Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellen Bogen By The Sea


There’s modern house
Without a stream
Where a handsome chap
Had a lovely dream
And his dream came true
Quite unexpectedly
Once he’d applied and received his Australian residency

He went out one day
Where the avocados grow
When a gorgeous chick
Stopped to say hello
And before he knew
She’s kissed him tenderly
At a renovated house with fantastic views looking out to sea

They were actually already married and so they packed the car
Went to The Hyatt Coolum and enjoyed the beach and spa

He designed a house
For his wife and three
With a lovely view
And a huge study
And one they got
Their Aussie residency
Built a home in Mapleton with fantastic views looking out to sea

To realise their dreams, this is how it all began
They put their heads together
And devised a strategic plan

Together hand in hand
On the balcony
With the colourful birds
Kids, one, two and three
Drinking beer and wine
And singing merrily
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!
In their architect designed home in Mapleton with views to the sea!

Whacking your drum

A poem for my husband's 40th birthday. We had left a couple of African drums in the UK as we were not allowed to bring them to Australia with the skins on. So for Alex's birthday, 4 months after we arrived here, I got him a new African drum with money from family in the UK.


They sent me some money
Instructions to buy
Something you’d like
I really did try

I added it up
It totalled some bucks
And in return for this task
I deserve several thank you’s from our family in England.

With money from Gerry
And Margaret too,
Melinda and Paul
To name but a few

Heide and Hannah
Andrea and Matt
Jonathan and Hugo
And possibly the cat

So with love from your family
And especially you mum
We hope you enjoy
Whacking your drum!

Little Ditty about Kath and Graham

I helped a friend Kathleen organise her partner’s Graeme’s 40th on the12th August 2010. It wasn’t until I was at the party that I realised I should have written him a song. I had sung to his dad, Ed, a couple of months before (see The Stumbler) and I suddenly felt awful that I hadn’t prepared something for Graeme.

Graeme like playing guitar, Bunderburg Rum, computer games and of course his fiancée Kathleen and kids Toby and Lily. They are living with his parents, Ed and Nicole and saving up for a house.

So I disappeared into the study with a glass or two of wine and came up with the following.

To the tune of John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane Kath & Graeme

Little ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two Australian kids grown up in Queensland
Graeme gonna be a huge rock star
Kath collects his plectrums and stores them in a jar.

Suckin on instant noodles down in Maleny
Kathleen sittin on Graeme’s lap
He’s got his hands between her knees
Graham says, Hey Kathleen lets run off to Kalgoorlie
Go make some money and start a family

And Graeme says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the Bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks
and I’m feeling strong

So Graeme and Kath go off and earn some money
It was stinking hot and really rather sunny
They pumped huge amounts so the petrol did flow
And returned to Flaxton with two kids in tow.

Graham says Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the kids and the bundy is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
I’ve killed some warcraft orks and I’m feeling strong

Let it rock,
Let it roll
We’ve gotta Toby and Lily to console
Hold on to laughter as long as you can
We’ve still young and we can be like my old man

Little Ditty about Kath and Graeme
Two fab aussie kids growing up in Queensland
At the moment living in a rumpus room
But hope to find a house to fill, real soon

Have Faith

Written after moving our family from the UK to Australia and we were in the 3rd house in 6 months and having to face moving again. Lots of things were unsettling and difficult, but I knew we would get through it.

Have Faith

When we started out nearly 9 years ago
Cuddles and kisses would readily flow
Love, passion and warmth were in our household
Our energy and happiness seemed uncontrolled

But every year great challenges we set
Sometimes unnecessarily but we seem to forget
The increase stress it brings on us all
The last thing we need is to stumble and fall

So keep the life simple, the challenges real
Our bodies can rest and take time to heal
Our lives a routine where we live for today
Not striving for something that is so far away.

I love you so much so you don’t need to worry
Our new life here will pass in a hurry
If we don’t stop and take a look at what we’ve achieved
It’s so much other people wouldn’t have believed

We have 15 months left before we review
And only then will we know what to do
If our future lies here or back in the cold
Together we’ll do it, your hand I will hold

We will make our lives calmer and share precious time
Facing the future together tackling those mountains we climb
Revive our strengths, passion, laughter and tears
Hand in hand, heart in heart, for the next 40 years

Favourite Things

Song for my Auntie Kate

Passed away age 74
8th November 2010

A wonderfully musical lady who was a dedicated primary school teacher all her life

For Kate

To the tune of My favourite Things

Snow in the winter and a tan from the Med
Playing piano and kicking my leg to my head
Skating on ice and of course drinking gins
These are a few of my favourite things
Teaching primary children, skills for their life
And being a magnificent mother and wife
Embracing and challenging whatever life brings
These are a few of my favourite things

Enjoying a round of golf with my friends
Hoping the holiday in Greece never ends
Seeing my children graduate like kings
These are a few of my favourite things

I’ve done all my sums
So when the time comes
Please don’t feel bad
Just simply remember the great life I have led
And then you won’t feel so sad

Our Granny

My husband’s mother turned 70 in October 2010. We made her a big scrap book with lots of photos for her to look at and did pictures and words around them. On one page I printed this poem for her, which the kids helped with. Heide is from Germany and although has lived in the UK for over 40 years, still has quite a good German accent when she pronounces things.

Our Granny

German Speaking
Larder sneaking
Woolly chairs
A few grey hairs
Chess playing
Child surveying
Russian Dolls
Go for strolls
Comfy bed
Heinz Sandwich Spread

Why not have some nice Muesli
Or one of my jars of strange tea

Boxes of Jaffa cakes
Bread that the Lantern makes
Walks through Sticklebirch
On Sundays, off to church
Bracken Cottage, really tidy
Perfect for Granny Heide
Tiny kitchen, just for one
Eating outside in the sun

While away a few small hours
Watering your lovely flowers
Every time a welcoming host
Stroll to the office to pick up post
Chatty ladies just pop by
Smile and wave and say ‘Hi’

Our Granny, she does own
A very simple mobile phone
Although she was a bit perplexed
When she had to send a text

Ryvitas in a Tupperware
(Never ever heard her swear)
Angels on her vindowsill
Knitting, now a long lost skill

We know it was destiny
To be so close to us three
It takes expertise to become
Our super duper granny-mum


The Lantern = local community shop, cafe and bakery where she lives where adults with learning difficulties bake and serve.
Sticklebirch - a local creek and walk
Bracken Cottage - Granny's home
Vindowsill - german accent, eg. vellingtons, veelie bins and going for a valk.

Cheese for my Tea

During pregnancy you are advised not to eat certain foods including shellfish, raw eggs, ice-cream, unpasteurised cheeses and processed meats
So I wrote this poem for Sherrell to celebrate her third son Will and the fact she could eat cheese again... or could she?

10th September 2010

Cheese for my Tea

Overjoyed you were with your third pregnancy
Here he is, son and heir! Tate number three!
And after just over nine month’s wait
We welcome the big boy, Will Jameson Tate!

Being a foodie and pregnant, a downside for me
Was not being able to have cheese for my tea
So after months of tender boobs and being so ‘big’
Go on, go treat yourself and eat like a pig!

Your job carrying Will is now complete
So I’m just thinking of all the things you can eat
After nine months of no brie or soft serve ice cream
“Gimme some blue cheese!” you’re entitled to scream!

Cabanossi, chicken roll and nice slice of Devon
A quick trip to the deli could really be heaven
Processed and pickled and made to look real
A meat platter from Woolies, what a wonderful meal

Duck Paté, meat spreads and cold turkey slices
Look out for the meats, this weeks special prices
You can visit a Subway, choose from the display
Or pop to a Sizzler for the enormous buffet

Perhaps you will treat yourself to some cheese
Italian blue, a soft French and some Greek fetta please
With some lovely crisp crackers and olives so fine
Washed down with a glass of lovely chilled wine

Sashimi, Tapas and a fresh sushi roll
Even smoked salmon you can stuff down your hole
Ready to eat prawns and mercury filled fish
Mayonnaise, raw eggs, you can now eat all you wish

But wait no! The breastfeeding guidelines have similar rules
Ignoring them is only done so by fools
So avoid broccoli, cabbage as it can make babies fart
But fish with Omega 3 is good for his heart

We can’t meet for caffeine, but you can have a green tea
Fresh orange juice will give a boost of vitamin C
Drink lots of water and eat high fibres too
And squatting is good when you go to the loo!

In Autumn next year while there is still some warm sun
I reckon you’ll be itching to have a bit of fun
Your friends with 3 kids would strongly recommend
Another all girls Rainbow Beach Weekend!

Mum of Three

I wrote this for Sherrell when she produced her third son Will on the 10th September 2010. I went on to write Cheese for my tea straight afterwards, so the lucky girl got two. She was so chuffed, she has never had a poem written for her before!

Mum of Three

As well as growing babies inside our tums
A big part of being responsible mums
We pass onto our kids a bit of our brain
So after kid Number 3, we are mildly insane

Things aren’t where we put them and we forget where we are
We lose coats and bags and the keys for the car
We become very good at made-up games
But have trouble remembering our family’s names

We can’t hold on for too long when we need a pee
Sometimes we even forget we have three
I left one at home once and visited a friend
Something I don’t really recommend

But there is so much to think of with one and with two
And three means you just have even more to do
Some folk are courageous and push out 4 and then 5
But my patience is low, as is my sex drive!

So the Mum of Three Club welcomes you Sherrell Tate
We are here to applaud your super birth rate
We support, listen, encourage and cheer
And defend our decision about our change of career!

The main committee in your local Club ‘Mum of three’
Is Mystic Tina Mac Mac right down the Obi
Then Missy Melissy, three girls to her name
Reflexologist and Masseur of Crystal Street acclaim

Karen also has three girls and a passion for bubbles,
As does Miss Ali, who has ongoing troubles
But all 4 of us welcome you to the Mum of three club
Sherrell Tate, Supermum and your darling new bub.

We’ll teach you to forget stuff, bags, hats and keys
You won’t need much training and it does come with ease
Entering a room and wondering why you’re there
And feeling kind comfy in your daggy leisure wear

Actually we think you’re special, an ‘organised’ mum of three
You prepare you plan, have systems for things, I think we all agree
Maybe you’ll be the model mum, the wise one who’s still sane
The one who’s made sure she retains 100% of her brain

The Stumbler

We had a little get together to celebrate Ed’s Burke's 79th birthday on the 27th June 2010. He really likes Country and Western and so I re-wrote the words to The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. It went down very well and I sang it twice. However the second time I forgot the tune, but it sounded good despite the change!

Ed worked for National Mapping as a Cartographer mapping out a lot of Aus and other places. They live at No 52, their dog is called Red, his wife Nicole is of Greek decent, hence the reference to lamb and feta and he enjoys his red wine….

He is 80 this year… Now how and I going to top this one?

The Stumbler

On a warm summer’s evening, in a ‘ute bound for Flaxton
I met up with a woman; we were both too tired to think
So we took turns at driving and staring out the window
Then we pulled into 52 and she offered me a drink

She said “Mind all the baby toys and don’t trip over Red dog”
She got a glass from the cupboard and poured me a red wine
As I gazed into her eyes I enquired “Whatcha doing later?”
She said “pull yourself together Ed, you’ve just turned seven nine!”

She handed me the bottle and I drank down my last swallow
Walked back past the ‘ute and went off to me shed
I could smell dinner cooking, potatoes, lamb with feta
I closed my eyes to drink it in and tripped right over Red

I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!

Every Aussie bloke knows that the secret to survive is
Knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep
Well I’ve kept my Nicole and I’m glad I’ve hung on to me ‘ute
As it’s giving us adventures and a good dry place to sleep

I’ve toiled all over Oz and I’ve mapped out some strange places
Riding a tinny on the reef and a Cessna in the air
Each year we still go driving for weeks across the desert
But mostly it’s to Cyberspace from the comfort of me chair

I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!

I gotta know where me dog is, know where me grog is
Know when to leave the house and go and mow the yard
I have a glass or two of red stuff, when I am sitting at the table
At my age I deserve it, ‘cos I’ve worked bloody hard!